Can you gracefully scale the gamut of emotions?
On today’s Monday Music we will listen to a song scaling the gamut of emotions expressed by Bentley, the bulldog. Bentley is no stranger to longing, disappointments, anger, sadness, crying, petulance, or back-turning. If a little puppy can experience that in the space of a minute, imagine what you and all the other humans on the planet are potentially capable of experiencing. It’s a lot! And rarely do humans experience as transparently as Bentley. Nor is it nearly as cute or endearing.
How does Bentley get us to open our hearts to him? Could honesty be the answer? Because Bentley is so transparent with his need and his emotion, we have nothing to rebel against with Bentley. There’s no ego. There’s no blame statement. There’s just Bentley, and his emotions. And Bentley has emotions. He is angry. He is growling. He is barking. Ohhh, now he is whining. Wait, he is actually crying! Ohhh, poor Bentley. Oh. Now he’s leaving. He’s given up. Poor Bentley.
Learn from Bentley the fussy bulldog, as posted on YouTube:
People emotions not nearly as cute as Bentley emotions
Dogs are cute, and humans…well, perhaps not as much. So maybe it is easier to feel for a little dog. But the living matter between us is all the same, right? So why don’t we approach others who are angry, or crying, as easily as we might handle this little pup? The transparency and the honesty play a role.
The upshot might be that all emotions, yours and other humans, could also be viewed each time they arise as if they were a cute little bulldog named Bentley.
Personality differences have a lot to do with it as well. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment tool and the Enneagram both help shed light on the differences between people, what motivates them and what stresses them. The Five Love Languages are also great eye-openers to the different perceptions we all may have about a shared experience.
Many of us may not have ever had the option to stop and consider that maybe what we are feeling, or what we know to be true, is not the same for everyone else around us. When you first leave your parent’s home to go to college, or to be married, you have some opportunity for eye-opening experiences. And you have to chart your way.
Knowledge of personality typing may endear others to us
Emotionally and egoically we also have constellations, or patterns of being that are familiar. To varying degrees these patterns stay in place, unchallenged. Unchallenged that is, until that time there is a stressor so large in our life, that the input of new resources is deemed necessary.
While people may never be as cute as Bentley, there are many systems of thought that miraculously, make people more easily loved. Personality typing systems shed light and allow the endearment of another human’s trials and tribulations to enter our consciousness. And once in our consciousness, once we are aware of another’s trials, hopefully, our innate sense of heart will do the right thing. With some people it takes more time for hearts to open than with other people.
An upset puppy or a mirror to your own soul’s longings
How do personality typing systems endear people to us? Usually it works with time spent cognating around theoretical constructs, and then there is time spent observing in the field of your life, whether these constructs hold up and deliver truth or non-truth. Over time, a personal picture begins to develop. You might even start to get a heads up from yourself or others when certain patterns of behavior start to emerge in the environment where you are existing.
And then, with more time, you might get a handle on the theory, and you know when to shift your gears, just like you have learn when to shift gears as you drive a manual car. Eventually, the great sages tell us, all that shifting, theorizing, observing will become automatic. Then, we will be able to drive our personality with flexibility and goodness to all concerned, just as skillfully as we zone out driving our carw, without crashing.
That’s the 40,000 foot view. Down on the ground, it’s not quite as clean as all that. Nor is it as straightforward. There are plenty of research articles out on the web to discuss all those particulars. But in this public forum, the notion is to keep it simple and to remember, even an upset puppy is a mirror to your own soul’s longings.
Under the bark, a crying out of longing from an unmet need
Bentley had his anger. He barked and was vocal. He didn’t stagnate and stay in the barking. He flowed with each emotion as it arose, and he moved through and onward. The video ends with Bentley not being in huff, but walking off screen to do something else. If only humans could “be” where they are as dogs are being. A dog naps. A dog gets up. A dog doesn’t debate the two states. A dog doesn’t get entangled in another dog’s debate. No. A dog walks with ease, from this to that, and that to this. What a wonderful teaching!
The upshot might be that all emotions, yours and other humans, could also be viewed each time they arise as if they were a cute little bulldog named Bentley. As you go through your week, and you notice other humans having emotions, or you notice your own, think of cute little Bentley. See if it makes adifference. Remember the insecure, little Bentley puppy-dog who barked first, and when he wasn’t rebuked, his bark fell to the truer crying, his original motivator, a perceived need which had gone unmet.
Join us next week for Grounded Relating’s Monday Music Challenge.
