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How to be present in relationships

How to be present in relationships

How to be present in relationships

Elephants show humans how to be present in relationships

Today’s Monday Music multimedia selection takes a cue from the animal kingdom, and the enduring love of two elephants who knew how to be present in relationships, no matter how long-term the relationship, or how long since the last connection point with the relationship. We humans tend to be almost too accepting of our fast-paced, high technology world, so much so that we forget that it is important to be present in relationships, to drop all other competing objects of attention, and to be present with one object of attention. These two elephants remind us humans the joy it is to have close connections and the need for present awareness of the moment-to-moment existence of our relationships.

Our two Monday Music elephant teachers

Shirley and Jenny first met in Texas as circus elephants in the late 1970s. Jenny was the younger baby elephant, while Shirley was older, almost 20 years old, when the two elephants first met. It is now known that the community of other elephants is very important for the health and emotional well-being of an individual elephant. This is also very true of us humans, although we also tend to ignore that fact.

According to the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, a non-profit in Kenya that rescues and rehabilitates mistreated or abandoned baby elephants:  “All female elephants long to nurture and love those younger and smaller than them and are naturally ‘maternal’….” . Quite possibly then, Shirley served the role of a surrogate mother for baby Jenny, and thus a deep relationship between could have been established.

According to an article on The Dodo, after their circus days were over, Shirley and Jenny were separated from each other and moved to different zoos. Shirley spent 30 years in the Louisiana Purchase Zoo, before it was decided she might “retire” to the Tennessee Elephant Sanctuary, founded by Carol Buckley. Unbeknownst to the humans, Jenny was already at the Elephant Sanctuary.

Remembering to be present in relationships, after 20 years

So the stage was already set for the two old friends to reacquaint themselves. Let’s take a look and be informed by these gentle giants, not only on the importance of tending your friendships, but also how to go about it. Here’s “Shirley and Jenny: two elephants reunited after more than 20 years” as posted by EVOLVE Campaigns on YouTube 

There is no question that this video is heartwarming. Wouldn’t we all like to be loved and remembered for who we are, just because we are? Remembered and cherished for what we mean to the others in our lives? Shirley and Jenny hadn’t seen each other in two decades, and yet this did not diminish their celebration and palpable joy.

How did these elephants make that joy and celebration known to each other? In other words, what did these two elephants do to be present in relationships? Well, there was physical touch with the caressing of their trunks, and then there was a movement towards being physically in close proximity. These are tangible symbols of physical presentness, a sensate and felt token of love that had no requirement.

There was also conscious memory of the other, making mental space to hold the importance and value of the other. This importance was marked out collectively between Shirley and Jenny with vocalizations, and loud trumpeting, a sort of vocal celebration, a bursting forth into song: “My friend is here in my presence again, and I am filled with so much joy, I must trumpet!”

Human trumpeting in celebration of friendships?

For contrast, we humans do that with a quick but silent head nod, eye-to-eye connection, and perhaps a handshake or a smile, also silent. How subdued, and easily missed, ignored or forgotten. When was the last time you trumpeted your joy at seeing a friend? Shirley and Jenny, in their excitement, desire and focus to get closer, bent wire bars! Where is your enthusiasm, your ability to be present in relationships of your life?

And even more thought provoking, how did these elephants reach the hearts of their keepers, and the hearts of the people they didn’t even know? Did you feel the sadness of Solomon, Shirley’s keeper, who had grown to love the gentle giant? While happy for her Tennessee retirement plan, the parting was bittersweet. Is it the ability to be silent and long-suffering that garners the heart of others? Or is it that, when we actually see another’s pain or another’s joy, a window to our own heart opens, and we experience connection with ourselves?

Can you be present in relationships? Or does the fast-pace of today’s world lull you into forgetfulness? Enjoy the music–or in this case, the elephant friendship multimedia–and use the Grounded Relating Monday Music Challenge to stay present to yourself and others. And while you are at it, for the next couple of weeks, why not consider trumpeting your joy to your friends and loved ones as a daily practice of how to be present in relationships?

More articles on Jenny and Shirley’s amazing friendship, and other related links: